"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24
Anxiety is one of the devil's best tools. He loves to make us feel like everything is awful, out of control, getting worse all the time.
I think anxiety is especially hard for Christians to deal with, because we feel like such a failure....like we should know better, like we do know better, and yet we are still "cumbered with a load of care."
We feel like, if others knew about our anxiety, they would judge us harshly, as "weak" or "less than" Christians...
We feel like its all our fault, and that guilt only drives us further into sickening depression.
We feel like "it's all in our head", that we are doing it to ourselves, and therefore, we are also completely responsible for healing ourselves.
I know....I've been there.
Through my illness I have grown so much. When I look back to when I was first diagnosed and the year that followed, I can see how far I've come. And I am so thankful for the loving support that I received, and for my faith and the promise that my Saviour would never "leave me or forsake me", because without that, I can honestly say I understand why people who don't have the hope of salvation, the forgiveness of sins, the promises of a faithful Father to cling to, would just end it all.
It's really scary. And the devil just loves it. That's right, Satan loves for you to feel like that. That's his chance after all, his only shot at snatching you away; to make you doubt and fear and wonder and feel like everything is hopeless. Lies. All lies. But we are weak...we get distracted. Our sin causes us to become the most important thing in the world and then all we can see is ourselves and the awful state we are in, and things look pretty bad.
Something I learned, through the rollercoaster of emotions I've gone through, is that there is a "spiral effect" always happening, and depending on the way that it is turning, things either seem to get better and better or worse and worse.
The inward, downward spiral is anxiety, depression, despair, guilt, selfishness, frustration, and anything like it. It can be caused by any of those things and then once it's started, it can very easily begin to pick up speed and before we know it, everything is a disaster. We feel like our world is falling apart and it can't be fixed. And the longer we have the downward, inward spiral going, the worse it gets.
The opposite of the downward, inward spiral is the upward, outward spiral. Even the sound of it makes me feel better! The upward, outward spiral turns our focus on God and the world around us, on the other people in our life, and away from ourselves. Instead of implosion, there is explosion. Instead of making us the center of the universe, it makes God the center of the universe. In short, it puts things back in proper perspective, and we can see that not everything is bad. We can see that there are others going through hard things. We can remember that we have made it through other struggles, often coming out better than before. We can have hope.
I still struggle with depression at times. My illness has left my body very sensitive to emotions. If my husband and I have a fight, if I am worried about my children, if I feel like someone has misunderstood me, I feel it physically. If my husband and I argue, I often feel sick the next day....it just throws my whole system off balance and I have a headache, upset stomach, and usually depression. Our bodies function properly with the right mix of balanced hormones, and when we are stressed, we release hormones to deal with that, and I react very strongly to stress and the hormones that go with it. But, the longer I deal with this and learn that this is how my body reacts, the more I can remind myself, that "everything is not bad, this is my reaction to stress, and it will pass."
But what if you feel like there isn't anything in particular that is causing you to feel anxiety? You just wake up feeling awful. Well, I've been there too. When you have a hyperactive thyroid, you basically feel anxious all the time. (And when you go undiagnosed for six months, that really messes with you...) Hyperactive thyroid makes you feel jittery, unstable, like everything is out of control (because, inside, it is!) and even if you can't think of anything in particular, you can't make it stop. So sometimes anxiety is not your fault at all.
Sometimes it is your fault. Sometimes, if you look inside, really honestly, you will see that you are not letting go and letting God have control over your life. Maybe you're like me and you think you can do it all yourself. Maybe you are scared....it's hard to trust. Maybe you feel like if you give up any remaining power you think you have, then things will really get bad. I know...I've been there.
But. Here's the thing....you have never been in control of your life. God has brought you "safe this far, and grace will lead you home."
And, while you are not in control of what happens to you, you can make choices, for better or for worse. The upward, outward spiral is a choice that I can make, and when I do, things improve, sometimes dramatically. You take your eyes off yourself and place them on Jesus. And when you do that, amazing things will happen. Choose joy. Choose gratitude. Choose to believe that God is faithful to His promises.
"You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your right hand has held me up, Your gentleness has made me great. You enlarged my path under me, so my feet did not slip."
(Psalm 18:35-36)
Unlike anyone else, God does not have sinful desires, selfish ambitions, or evil intent. He can be trusted completely, with our whole being. He has "loved us with an everlasting love", "He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved." (Jer.31:3,Eph.1:4-6)
I have found that when I am broken and empty, I am most open to God working in me. You come to the end of yourself, and you can clearly see your need for a Saviour. And he will not leave you alone in your brokenness. He loves you.
Anxiety is one of the devil's best tools. He loves to make us feel like everything is awful, out of control, getting worse all the time.
I think anxiety is especially hard for Christians to deal with, because we feel like such a failure....like we should know better, like we do know better, and yet we are still "cumbered with a load of care."
We feel like, if others knew about our anxiety, they would judge us harshly, as "weak" or "less than" Christians...
We feel like its all our fault, and that guilt only drives us further into sickening depression.
We feel like "it's all in our head", that we are doing it to ourselves, and therefore, we are also completely responsible for healing ourselves.
I know....I've been there.
Through my illness I have grown so much. When I look back to when I was first diagnosed and the year that followed, I can see how far I've come. And I am so thankful for the loving support that I received, and for my faith and the promise that my Saviour would never "leave me or forsake me", because without that, I can honestly say I understand why people who don't have the hope of salvation, the forgiveness of sins, the promises of a faithful Father to cling to, would just end it all.
It's really scary. And the devil just loves it. That's right, Satan loves for you to feel like that. That's his chance after all, his only shot at snatching you away; to make you doubt and fear and wonder and feel like everything is hopeless. Lies. All lies. But we are weak...we get distracted. Our sin causes us to become the most important thing in the world and then all we can see is ourselves and the awful state we are in, and things look pretty bad.
Something I learned, through the rollercoaster of emotions I've gone through, is that there is a "spiral effect" always happening, and depending on the way that it is turning, things either seem to get better and better or worse and worse.
The inward, downward spiral is anxiety, depression, despair, guilt, selfishness, frustration, and anything like it. It can be caused by any of those things and then once it's started, it can very easily begin to pick up speed and before we know it, everything is a disaster. We feel like our world is falling apart and it can't be fixed. And the longer we have the downward, inward spiral going, the worse it gets.
The opposite of the downward, inward spiral is the upward, outward spiral. Even the sound of it makes me feel better! The upward, outward spiral turns our focus on God and the world around us, on the other people in our life, and away from ourselves. Instead of implosion, there is explosion. Instead of making us the center of the universe, it makes God the center of the universe. In short, it puts things back in proper perspective, and we can see that not everything is bad. We can see that there are others going through hard things. We can remember that we have made it through other struggles, often coming out better than before. We can have hope.
I still struggle with depression at times. My illness has left my body very sensitive to emotions. If my husband and I have a fight, if I am worried about my children, if I feel like someone has misunderstood me, I feel it physically. If my husband and I argue, I often feel sick the next day....it just throws my whole system off balance and I have a headache, upset stomach, and usually depression. Our bodies function properly with the right mix of balanced hormones, and when we are stressed, we release hormones to deal with that, and I react very strongly to stress and the hormones that go with it. But, the longer I deal with this and learn that this is how my body reacts, the more I can remind myself, that "everything is not bad, this is my reaction to stress, and it will pass."
But what if you feel like there isn't anything in particular that is causing you to feel anxiety? You just wake up feeling awful. Well, I've been there too. When you have a hyperactive thyroid, you basically feel anxious all the time. (And when you go undiagnosed for six months, that really messes with you...) Hyperactive thyroid makes you feel jittery, unstable, like everything is out of control (because, inside, it is!) and even if you can't think of anything in particular, you can't make it stop. So sometimes anxiety is not your fault at all.
Sometimes it is your fault. Sometimes, if you look inside, really honestly, you will see that you are not letting go and letting God have control over your life. Maybe you're like me and you think you can do it all yourself. Maybe you are scared....it's hard to trust. Maybe you feel like if you give up any remaining power you think you have, then things will really get bad. I know...I've been there.
But. Here's the thing....you have never been in control of your life. God has brought you "safe this far, and grace will lead you home."
And, while you are not in control of what happens to you, you can make choices, for better or for worse. The upward, outward spiral is a choice that I can make, and when I do, things improve, sometimes dramatically. You take your eyes off yourself and place them on Jesus. And when you do that, amazing things will happen. Choose joy. Choose gratitude. Choose to believe that God is faithful to His promises.
"You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your right hand has held me up, Your gentleness has made me great. You enlarged my path under me, so my feet did not slip."
(Psalm 18:35-36)
Unlike anyone else, God does not have sinful desires, selfish ambitions, or evil intent. He can be trusted completely, with our whole being. He has "loved us with an everlasting love", "He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved." (Jer.31:3,Eph.1:4-6)
I have found that when I am broken and empty, I am most open to God working in me. You come to the end of yourself, and you can clearly see your need for a Saviour. And he will not leave you alone in your brokenness. He loves you.
"Satan tells me I am unworthy; but I always was unworthy, and yet Thou hast long loved me..." -Spurgeon
God is faithful to complete the good work He has begun. He can use anything for our good. We really do not know what is good for us, but He does. We can cry with Job, "Where then is my hope?" and God will answer and say:
"Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation" (Psalm 91:14-16)
Satan will fight hardest for those he must fight hardest for, so take courage in the fierce battle for your heart; it is so intense because You have set your love on Christ and He loves you and is fighting for you too. And take comfort in knowing that the victory has been won already. Just trust. Hold on to the truth.
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." (Psalm 43:5)
And also know, you are not a failure because you feel anxious or depressed. Jesus felt many emotions Himself. Just try choose, by the power of His Spirit, not to let the inward downward spiral take over, and instead choose the upward, outward spiral of gratitude and praise and joy. And He will bless that.
"I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth—Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3
"Ye fearful saints fresh courage take, the clouds ye so much dread, are big with mercy and shall break in blessings on your head."
Comments
Post a Comment