I did something scary a few days ago...
I shared my Birthday Cake post, where I talk about my first miscarriage, on Facebook.
Honestly, I didn't really want to...I don't mind sharing my experiences when it probably won't directly change my life in any drastic way; which usually means either sharing with strangers or writing it on here. But I have noticed that I usually feel so much better when I allow myself to speak freely what is in my heart, instead of holding everything inside of me. So I'm trying to do that.
My numerous doctor appointments and counseling appointments have shown me that not everyone will misunderstand me, and there are others who think like I do, and how relieving it is to just get things out.
It gets so crowded and heavy inside when you are constantly pushing stuff down and keeping your mouth closed and your brain gets so tired when you just recirculate everything instead of releasing your thoughts and emotions.
I am very thankful to have such great doctors and practitioners to work with. God is the Great Physician, and The One works the healing ultimately, but He has placed some wonderful people in my life to facilitate that healing. I have learned some much from all of them. Something very encouraging to me is that most of them have similar stories to mine...working through personal struggles, overcoming them and finding yourself in the process. Seems like that is one of God's favorite ways to work on us.
I read an article the other day about how "hitting rock bottom" and experiences that completely break us down are extremely cathartic, and I loved it because that is exactly what I have found.
God uses the hard things to make us better. We are too often willing to settle. We hold onto what is good and comfortable and we don't want to allow change to happen because, well, we are comfortable! Why mess with a good thing, right? But we are so short sighted, and we don't want to do scary things. We are like children, content to ride with training wheels or swim with floaties, and we can't see how much better it could be if we would let go of what's good and make room for something better. Familiarity makes us feel safe, but it is not always the best option.
God has big Plans for us, and instead of trusting Him, we sit on the bench and say "That's ok, I'm good right here."
I know this because I do this. Historically, I was not one to do risky things or push myself to the edge and jump off.
But I am learning to. I am finding that when I get stuck inside myself, the best thing I can do is let go and trust God. That downward, inward spiral I talk about is so often, regrettably, so easy to get sucked into. But I am learning to stop before I get sucked in and remember that God has brought me through so much already, and He surely wouldn't have done so much work on me to just let me go now. But I admit, I am no where near perfect and there are plenty of days when my body throws some crazy new symptoms at me, or I don't get enough sleep, or I get stuck in my emotions of guilt and failure and I just feel crazy and discouraged.
Thankfully, the lows are not as low and the highs last longer. The NAET has really helped me let go of things and it really is amazing to see and feel the changes because of it.
Like, before, I could not have shared my heart so openly, for fear of being misunderstood and the way that would make me feel. Growing up, there were a lot of times when I did not feel understood or "fit in", and that was hard, and I came to see myself as weird and unrelatable.
But, now that I know others who do think like me, who do understand my personality, I am more comfortable with myself and I am more willing to share....because maybe I will find another person who does understand and that is so exciting.
And even more than that, I really feel compelled to share my story to bring glory to God and encouragement to others. I wish that someone would have told me a long time ago, "You are unique and special and you were made for a purpose exclusively you can fulfill and it makes sense that you don't completely fit in."
(Maybe someone did tell me, but I didn't get it.)
We aren't made to "fit in".
We are made like a unique puzzle piece, working together to complete the whole picture, but each one little different. If we decide we want to be exactly like the piece next to us, then there will be a hole in the picture and everyone knows how disappointing an incomplete puzzle is.
I think especially when we are growing up, it is so important to be reassured of this and reaffirmed as an individual. Because until we mature and really come into our Self, we can feel so lost and insecure, and that can create a lot of fear and cause us to pull back. But we will never be happy until we live in a way that is true to the unique person God made us to be.
I think the most important thing is for us to know how to be right with God, and to know that He is for us, not against us, and that He has a Good Plan for our life, and that He made us for His glory.
When we understand this, we can be more confident and content and open. We can let go of fear and allow changes to occur and we can grow in a much more painless way.
So often it takes such big things, and so many times, to break us. When we learn to trust God more, we can sometimes be spared much of the pain that we put ourselves through because we do not spend so much time and energy resisting His work.
Again....I struggle with this....
I have sin in my heart.
My hormones are not quite balanced and that sometimes means that I physically feel a certain way and there not a lot I can do about it but sit with the discomfort.
I sometimes fear that everyone I love will leave me because they will just have finally have had enough of my craziness.
I get tired of "living in my head."
I get angry with myself for not seeing what God is trying to teach me.
But, by God's grace, I am learning. I am a work in progress, but there is progress! I am learning not to be so hard on myself, and instead give more of my struggle to God. Because guess what? I can't do it alone. I can't do it by myself.
(And if you catch your frustrated self saying "I can't do everything!", let that be a lesson to you. You are right, you can't.)
"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." (Pro.19:21)
So, I shared part of my story with a large number of family and friends and people I will have to see again and it was scary and hard, but I did it because I felt like that's what I was supposed to do. Through my struggles I have found a strong desire to help and encourage others. And how can I do that if I am not willing to share my story?
"The LORD has done great things for us; we are glad." (Psalm 162:3)
"..Many will see it and fear and will trust in the LORD." (Psalm 40:3)
I shared my Birthday Cake post, where I talk about my first miscarriage, on Facebook.
Honestly, I didn't really want to...I don't mind sharing my experiences when it probably won't directly change my life in any drastic way; which usually means either sharing with strangers or writing it on here. But I have noticed that I usually feel so much better when I allow myself to speak freely what is in my heart, instead of holding everything inside of me. So I'm trying to do that.
My numerous doctor appointments and counseling appointments have shown me that not everyone will misunderstand me, and there are others who think like I do, and how relieving it is to just get things out.
It gets so crowded and heavy inside when you are constantly pushing stuff down and keeping your mouth closed and your brain gets so tired when you just recirculate everything instead of releasing your thoughts and emotions.
I am very thankful to have such great doctors and practitioners to work with. God is the Great Physician, and The One works the healing ultimately, but He has placed some wonderful people in my life to facilitate that healing. I have learned some much from all of them. Something very encouraging to me is that most of them have similar stories to mine...working through personal struggles, overcoming them and finding yourself in the process. Seems like that is one of God's favorite ways to work on us.
I read an article the other day about how "hitting rock bottom" and experiences that completely break us down are extremely cathartic, and I loved it because that is exactly what I have found.
God uses the hard things to make us better. We are too often willing to settle. We hold onto what is good and comfortable and we don't want to allow change to happen because, well, we are comfortable! Why mess with a good thing, right? But we are so short sighted, and we don't want to do scary things. We are like children, content to ride with training wheels or swim with floaties, and we can't see how much better it could be if we would let go of what's good and make room for something better. Familiarity makes us feel safe, but it is not always the best option.
God has big Plans for us, and instead of trusting Him, we sit on the bench and say "That's ok, I'm good right here."
I know this because I do this. Historically, I was not one to do risky things or push myself to the edge and jump off.
But I am learning to. I am finding that when I get stuck inside myself, the best thing I can do is let go and trust God. That downward, inward spiral I talk about is so often, regrettably, so easy to get sucked into. But I am learning to stop before I get sucked in and remember that God has brought me through so much already, and He surely wouldn't have done so much work on me to just let me go now. But I admit, I am no where near perfect and there are plenty of days when my body throws some crazy new symptoms at me, or I don't get enough sleep, or I get stuck in my emotions of guilt and failure and I just feel crazy and discouraged.
Thankfully, the lows are not as low and the highs last longer. The NAET has really helped me let go of things and it really is amazing to see and feel the changes because of it.
Like, before, I could not have shared my heart so openly, for fear of being misunderstood and the way that would make me feel. Growing up, there were a lot of times when I did not feel understood or "fit in", and that was hard, and I came to see myself as weird and unrelatable.
But, now that I know others who do think like me, who do understand my personality, I am more comfortable with myself and I am more willing to share....because maybe I will find another person who does understand and that is so exciting.
And even more than that, I really feel compelled to share my story to bring glory to God and encouragement to others. I wish that someone would have told me a long time ago, "You are unique and special and you were made for a purpose exclusively you can fulfill and it makes sense that you don't completely fit in."
(Maybe someone did tell me, but I didn't get it.)
We aren't made to "fit in".
We are made like a unique puzzle piece, working together to complete the whole picture, but each one little different. If we decide we want to be exactly like the piece next to us, then there will be a hole in the picture and everyone knows how disappointing an incomplete puzzle is.
I think especially when we are growing up, it is so important to be reassured of this and reaffirmed as an individual. Because until we mature and really come into our Self, we can feel so lost and insecure, and that can create a lot of fear and cause us to pull back. But we will never be happy until we live in a way that is true to the unique person God made us to be.
I think the most important thing is for us to know how to be right with God, and to know that He is for us, not against us, and that He has a Good Plan for our life, and that He made us for His glory.
When we understand this, we can be more confident and content and open. We can let go of fear and allow changes to occur and we can grow in a much more painless way.
So often it takes such big things, and so many times, to break us. When we learn to trust God more, we can sometimes be spared much of the pain that we put ourselves through because we do not spend so much time and energy resisting His work.
Again....I struggle with this....
I have sin in my heart.
My hormones are not quite balanced and that sometimes means that I physically feel a certain way and there not a lot I can do about it but sit with the discomfort.
I sometimes fear that everyone I love will leave me because they will just have finally have had enough of my craziness.
I get tired of "living in my head."
I get angry with myself for not seeing what God is trying to teach me.
But, by God's grace, I am learning. I am a work in progress, but there is progress! I am learning not to be so hard on myself, and instead give more of my struggle to God. Because guess what? I can't do it alone. I can't do it by myself.
(And if you catch your frustrated self saying "I can't do everything!", let that be a lesson to you. You are right, you can't.)
"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." (Pro.19:21)
So, I shared part of my story with a large number of family and friends and people I will have to see again and it was scary and hard, but I did it because I felt like that's what I was supposed to do. Through my struggles I have found a strong desire to help and encourage others. And how can I do that if I am not willing to share my story?
"The LORD has done great things for us; we are glad." (Psalm 162:3)
"..Many will see it and fear and will trust in the LORD." (Psalm 40:3)
Comments
Post a Comment