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29

Tomorrow is my birthday.
I will be 29.
I feel like 29 is a big deal....more than 30 will be.
I mean, 29 is the last "twenty something".....and, for some reason that I totally didnt see coming, it's kinda making me freak out.
Not sure why....
I'm excited for what the future holds... I have dreams...goals...
I'm excited to keep watching my babies, who aren't really babies anymore, continue growing and learning and surprising me.
I'm excited to see where God takes us.
I'm excited to continue to grow in my love for my husband..every year I love him more.
I'm excited to move on....
The past holds some beautiful memories for sure, but also a lot of tears and heartache.
I'd like to wake up and say " Hello 29, let's be friends! "
Most of all I am excited to continue growing in my faith and trust in my Saviour Jesus, and find the best way that I can serve and glorify Him.
I am searching..seeking...ready to find what it is He is calling me to be.
When I was younger, I always knew that what I wanted first was to marry and have a family, and by God's grace that happened. But I also have always felt that I have another calling, later.
Through my illness and healing I have learned so much and I have ideas, but still no clear picture of the path before me..
So this year I will keep waiting and praying and caring for my husband and children, and keep learning more about myself; the real me, the person God made me to be.
I really didn't know who I was growing up. Probay quite common. But the last few years have made me really understand and love who God made me to be like never before.
I am special.
Why is that so hard to say? To believe? Why does that make me feel conceited instead of confident?
I am special.
You are special.
Special enough for God to make you, the only you ever, and care about you and plan your whole life out, before you were even born; before the stars were born. If that's true, then we are very, very special. And we should remember that. (Psalm 139)
If you aren't sure what God wants for you, not sure where to go, what to do, just remember that He has a plan and sometimes He just wants us to lay down our plans and goals and trust and wait on Him.
Not easy. But beautiful.
He knows what He's doing.
I pray that this year, I would be more loving, more compassionate, more patient, more selfless, more accepting, more kind,more grateful, more joyful and more like Jesus.
"More of You, less of me, make me who I'm meant to be; You're all I want, all I need, You're everything. Take it all, I surrender to my King! God, I choose more of You and less of me."
Im not gonna lie....as I look back over the past year...my heart aches. So much loss stares back at me...my heart still aches for babies I will never hold, still getting used to the new normal of my life. But through the tears I can see my Heavenly Father holding me, just as he promised, and the tears of sadness are mingled with tears of gratitude and joy.
I am so thankful for my husband. So grateful for everything God made him to be; so thankful I am not walking through this life by myself. God made man and woman for each other, to compliment and complete each other, and by His grace, we do.
I am so grateful for the blessings given, and look forward to those to come.


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