As I make progress on my journey to health and wellness, I sometimes look back over the past few years, and I can see more and more of a contrast between Then and Now.
I hope that as you read this blog, you feel encouraged that things can get better for you too, and that God is working through your struggles as well.
I hope my healing does not discourage you....
I hope that you feel empowered to make the changes you want or need to make to facilitate healing and well-being in your own life.
I hope that you do not look at my life as "perfect", or me as someone who "has it all together", or think, "she can do those things, but I can't...".
I feel you. I hear you. I've been there.
I know how hard it is to make decisions in the middle of chaos. It feels a lot like looking at a room after my kids have played in it for about 7 minutes and you just look and the mess and think "How am I ever going to get this sorted out and make everything nice again?...and where I do I even start..?"
All I can say is God definitely had a plan for my life, and I have made it this far because He wanted me to. I have been through the trials because there was something for me learn through them. I have been blessed with a measure of healing so that I can now give something to others.
I remember when the idea was first presented to me that my issues were being caused, at least in part, by food allergies (sensitivities/intolerances), I was very confused and very overwhelmed.... "I had been eating whatever I wanted my whole life, why would this happen now? And what next? Gluten free??? What is gluten?! Why does it matter?"
Your whole world can change in an instant. And when how you see yourself changes, that is very difficult to sort out too.
I had a lot of symptoms...pain, indigestion, mood swings, anxiety, depression, headaches, fatigue, a weird, unstable, almost jittery feeling, earaches, "chronic tonsillitis", issues with my ileocecal valve (yes, that's real, you have one too), and more. An unstable thyroid is quite astounding in itself...
I have had A LOT of testing done. Blood, saliva, stool, hormone, breath, DNA, food sensitivity, maybe more. I have eliminated foods, chemicals, dyes, and more. I have seen doctors, chiropractors, acupuncturists, massage therapists, counselors, craniosacral therapists and more. I've had an MRI and an upper endoscopy.
It's a lot to deal with. There's a lot of decisions to make. And that's doesn't even include the day to day life at home.
I've had hard days where it was all I could do to get the kids food and turn the TV on. I remember more than one occasion where I went to my room and threw myself on our bed and cried my eyes out, asking God , "How can this be better?!" I remember scary times like when we called 911 at 11pm because when we went to bed I suddenly started shaking uncontrollably, so hard my teeth were chattering, and I didn't stop shaking for almost 30 minutes...
So much guilt, so much fear, so much confusion....
All this to say, I understand.
Your battles may be different than mine, but I understand how complex it all is...I have felt a lot of the emotions you are feeling.
And I am here today to remind you that, Lord willing, you can come through all of that, AND you can be even better than before.
It might not, and probably won't, be easy. And that's ok.
Just because something is hard and makes you feel overwhelmed, doesn't mean it is TOO hard and you can't do it.
Sometimes the most limiting thing is your own mind. Matthew 19:26 says, "...with God, all things are possible."
All this has been to break me down far enough so that there was nothing left of me and I had to look, wholeheartedly to God, the only One who could save me, the only One who could rebuild me...the only One who can truly make something out of nothing.
So it's ok to be broken. It's ok to be nothing. In God's eyes, you are still something, someone special, and you are never to far gone for Him to reach out and pull you back, and begin to build you again.
Sometimes, the best place that we can be is at the bottom. The best person we can be is broken. Because then we are in the best place to see our need for God. And when we yield to Him, beautiful things can happen.
Now, don't let your guilty little self start that downward spiral thinking that this is all your fault and if you were a better Christian bad things wouldn't happen. Because take a step back and listen to that...we live in a broken world and you can't stop all the bad things from happening, no matter how strong your faith and trust in God is. But let the knowledge that He can work with broken people comfort you, and ease your anxiety, and go on knowing that everything is still in His control and YOU WILL BE OK. The Christian can always know this. Eventually, all things will be made new, including you, and all will be right and well.
In the meantime, I hope that you will be able to find something that works for you, something that facilitates healing, some way to make the most out of your life right now.
You don't have to be well to be happy, although it is easier sometimes, isn't it? But even "well" people have difficult struggles. Try to be grateful now, to enjoy your life right now. There is beauty even in the chaos and the pain.
I hope that I can be an encouragement to you.
I am grateful to have gone through hard things. I desire to bring glory to God, to bring others to Him and to healing, and to inspire you to do the same.
"It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn Your statutes" (Psalm 119:71)
I hope that you feel empowered to make the changes you want or need to make to facilitate healing and well-being in your own life.
I hope that you do not look at my life as "perfect", or me as someone who "has it all together", or think, "she can do those things, but I can't...".
I feel you. I hear you. I've been there.
I know how hard it is to make decisions in the middle of chaos. It feels a lot like looking at a room after my kids have played in it for about 7 minutes and you just look and the mess and think "How am I ever going to get this sorted out and make everything nice again?...and where I do I even start..?"
All I can say is God definitely had a plan for my life, and I have made it this far because He wanted me to. I have been through the trials because there was something for me learn through them. I have been blessed with a measure of healing so that I can now give something to others.
I remember when the idea was first presented to me that my issues were being caused, at least in part, by food allergies (sensitivities/intolerances), I was very confused and very overwhelmed.... "I had been eating whatever I wanted my whole life, why would this happen now? And what next? Gluten free??? What is gluten?! Why does it matter?"
Your whole world can change in an instant. And when how you see yourself changes, that is very difficult to sort out too.
I had a lot of symptoms...pain, indigestion, mood swings, anxiety, depression, headaches, fatigue, a weird, unstable, almost jittery feeling, earaches, "chronic tonsillitis", issues with my ileocecal valve (yes, that's real, you have one too), and more. An unstable thyroid is quite astounding in itself...
I have had A LOT of testing done. Blood, saliva, stool, hormone, breath, DNA, food sensitivity, maybe more. I have eliminated foods, chemicals, dyes, and more. I have seen doctors, chiropractors, acupuncturists, massage therapists, counselors, craniosacral therapists and more. I've had an MRI and an upper endoscopy.
It's a lot to deal with. There's a lot of decisions to make. And that's doesn't even include the day to day life at home.
I've had hard days where it was all I could do to get the kids food and turn the TV on. I remember more than one occasion where I went to my room and threw myself on our bed and cried my eyes out, asking God , "How can this be better?!" I remember scary times like when we called 911 at 11pm because when we went to bed I suddenly started shaking uncontrollably, so hard my teeth were chattering, and I didn't stop shaking for almost 30 minutes...
So much guilt, so much fear, so much confusion....
All this to say, I understand.
Your battles may be different than mine, but I understand how complex it all is...I have felt a lot of the emotions you are feeling.
And I am here today to remind you that, Lord willing, you can come through all of that, AND you can be even better than before.
It might not, and probably won't, be easy. And that's ok.
Just because something is hard and makes you feel overwhelmed, doesn't mean it is TOO hard and you can't do it.
Sometimes the most limiting thing is your own mind. Matthew 19:26 says, "...with God, all things are possible."
All this has been to break me down far enough so that there was nothing left of me and I had to look, wholeheartedly to God, the only One who could save me, the only One who could rebuild me...the only One who can truly make something out of nothing.
So it's ok to be broken. It's ok to be nothing. In God's eyes, you are still something, someone special, and you are never to far gone for Him to reach out and pull you back, and begin to build you again.
Sometimes, the best place that we can be is at the bottom. The best person we can be is broken. Because then we are in the best place to see our need for God. And when we yield to Him, beautiful things can happen.
Now, don't let your guilty little self start that downward spiral thinking that this is all your fault and if you were a better Christian bad things wouldn't happen. Because take a step back and listen to that...we live in a broken world and you can't stop all the bad things from happening, no matter how strong your faith and trust in God is. But let the knowledge that He can work with broken people comfort you, and ease your anxiety, and go on knowing that everything is still in His control and YOU WILL BE OK. The Christian can always know this. Eventually, all things will be made new, including you, and all will be right and well.
In the meantime, I hope that you will be able to find something that works for you, something that facilitates healing, some way to make the most out of your life right now.
You don't have to be well to be happy, although it is easier sometimes, isn't it? But even "well" people have difficult struggles. Try to be grateful now, to enjoy your life right now. There is beauty even in the chaos and the pain.
I hope that I can be an encouragement to you.
I am grateful to have gone through hard things. I desire to bring glory to God, to bring others to Him and to healing, and to inspire you to do the same.
"It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn Your statutes" (Psalm 119:71)
I love you, sister
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