"The LORD has done great things for us; and we are glad." (Psalm 126:3)
-->Music I'm listening to<--
Today is an exciting day for me. I am currently doing the avoidance phase for my last 'Top 15' NAET treatment!
I have been waiting and waiting to finally get to this one, the hormone treatment.
Ah, hormones....they can be your very best friend or your worst nightmare. And I've had my share of the nightmare side these past four years.
But I am feeling so good after today's treatment. During the acupuncture part, "This is what we've been waiting for!," kept going through my mind. I just feel so relieved and happy, and so ready to put this behind me. I feel strong today.
"Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him." (Psalm 126:5-6)
With long life will I satisfy him, and show him My salvation." (Psalm 91:14-16)
The tears will not stop coming tonight. They started during my treatment, just flowing out, releasing so many emotions that have been stuck for so long. We carry things with us sometimes that are not meant to be carried so long...but no matter how long we have carried them, we can still let them go and be free, if we learn how. I have been learning how, and let me tell you, it feels amazing. There is a reason Jesus calls the "weary and heavy laden" to Himself for rest; we are not strong enough to bear all these burdens forever all by ourselves. So give it to Him. Find your rest.
I just feel so incredibly grateful. So thankful for all He has brought me through. Brought us through.
Brian and I had no idea what was coming when we said our marriage vows, and I will say there have been plenty of times when I had no idea why he was still here.... I feel for husbands who have to stand by and watch their wife go through something like this. It really breaks them inside; they want to make it better and they can't. But we have seen so many times how, truly, God did make us for each other. And I am humbled to be so loved. Brian has been through all of this with me...he has seen me at my very worst, my lowest and darkest. He has been my strength when I had no more. He has brought clarity when I had none. He is the best gift, besides Jesus, that I could ever have been given. I love him deeply, fiercely, tenderly. I admire him and respect him and I could never describe what a wonderful man he really is.
I feel such a beautiful peace tonight. Finally, finally, I feel as though this whole thing has come full circle and there is a freedom and a calm...like a green meadow after a torrential Spring rain, when the sun is peeking out of the clouds and you can see the raindrops on the grass and hear the rustling of a gentle breeze....
I feel space inside of me...all the things I have let go have left room for new things, and I have expanded, and there is light and breath and joy.
"I have come that they might have life; and that they might have it more abundantly."
(John 10:10)
This promise is true. Life more abundant can begin now, because of Him. There is healing in His wings, there is a shelter in the Rock, there is a Friend who is closer than a brother. I owe Him everything....for He has given me everything. And I am grateful.
-->Music I'm listening to<--
Today is an exciting day for me. I am currently doing the avoidance phase for my last 'Top 15' NAET treatment!
I have been waiting and waiting to finally get to this one, the hormone treatment.
Ah, hormones....they can be your very best friend or your worst nightmare. And I've had my share of the nightmare side these past four years.
But I am feeling so good after today's treatment. During the acupuncture part, "This is what we've been waiting for!," kept going through my mind. I just feel so relieved and happy, and so ready to put this behind me. I feel strong today.
"Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him." (Psalm 126:5-6)
Before doing the actual hormone treatment, we did some nutritional work and also some NET (neuro emotional technique).
Nutritionally, we found out my body was asking for some detox support in my digestive and lymph system, specifically my gallbladder and ileocecal valve. Which is interesting, since gallbladder issues were one of the first things to show up at the start of all this...
The NET came up to go along with the NAET, so Alicia did her investigative energy work and linked the emotion to "inefficiency", specifically in regards to birth and motherhood, and also in relation to my husband and parents.
So I told her about the day Nathaniel, (now 4), was born.
*My labor started with a big gush of blood and what felt like a super hard contraction that lasted for like 20 minutes. Brian and I raced to the hospital, worried. We were put in a room in triage, I was hooked up to the monitors, and we waited...and waited, for someone to tell us what was going on. Finally, about an hour later, a nurse came in and we asked when I was going to get checked. She said "Oh...don't you know? You're in labor! The contractions are five minutes apart...don't you feel them? We've been watching them on the monitor out there." I hadn't been feeling them. The doctor came soon after, did a quick check, said everything was fine. I couldn't believe we had waited, scared, for so long, for THAT. We had planned to have the baby at a birth center nearby with a midwife, but of course, when we asked to leave the hospital, the Dr. made a fuss, said he "wouldn't recommend it, wouldn't let his wife go", but I called my midwife, Winni, and she said she still felt safe delivering the baby. So we left. I was so glad to be out of there! I have never felt so ignored and uncared for...
Everything went well at the birth center. I feel safe there; I trust Winni, and Brian and I can just be alone when we want to be, with no nurses or monitors. Nathaniel was born about three hours after we got there. Right after I pushed him out, I lost a little extra blood, so the midwives gave me a shot of something (Pitocin?) to help stop that. We were so thankful that everything ended up fine, but that day was kind of traumatizing... Things went well for the first month. Then we (Brian, Sophie, and myself) all got a cold and a flu and a cold and a flu and then another cold. Nathaniel caught the last cold and ended up overnight in the hospital with RSV at three months old. A few weeks later my health issues started showing up.*
I was not surprised to hear "inefficiency" was an issue. Alicia and I have worked with my fear of failing before, and this reminded me of that...a fear that somehow, I was not enough, or would let someone down in some way, perhaps even though I was trying my hardest.
I know my own standards for myself are very high...I want to do my absolute best, and I can't stand the thought of "settling" for less. So much so that it will keep me from doing certain things if I feel like I won't be able to do it "right".
I never want to be a bother or a burden; as an oldest child, I think that's something that you never feel is your place to be...you are expected to be responsible and helpful. (And I am not blaming my parents for any of this...it's just one of those things. My parents were both the oldest in their families too, so I think they understand.)
Anyway, Alicia and I discussed all this, and I was able to really feel or "capture" the emotions, and then release them. Freedom. At last. When we really listen to those little things that just won't leave us alone, when we try to hear what they are telling us, they have their say and then they can leave.
Something Alicia said keeps coming back to me, about how I felt like I wasn't being heard, or cared for, specifically at the hospital that day. I look back on my life though, and I can see many other times where I didn't feel like I was being heard...partly due to the fact that I wasn't comfortable enough with myself to feel free to make myself heard.
Lying there during acupuncture/NAET today though, I had this realization.....it can never happen again. My fear of having another baby and having to go through all this again- the traumatizing birth day, hospital stay, the baby boy who kept me awake for more nights than I can count, with more colds than I can count, my own health problems and the emotional rollercoaster- it will never be that hard again.
Because I know better. I know myself better. And I have grown so much in my faith, and in knowledge, and my trust in God and my own intuition. And no one can take that away from me. I would be able to make myself heard, and tell people what I needed, without feeling bad or sorry. I am stronger than before, by the grace of God. His Plan, His Purposes never return to Him void. With Him, all things are possible, and He is living in me.
"Because he hath set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.I was not surprised to hear "inefficiency" was an issue. Alicia and I have worked with my fear of failing before, and this reminded me of that...a fear that somehow, I was not enough, or would let someone down in some way, perhaps even though I was trying my hardest.
I know my own standards for myself are very high...I want to do my absolute best, and I can't stand the thought of "settling" for less. So much so that it will keep me from doing certain things if I feel like I won't be able to do it "right".
I never want to be a bother or a burden; as an oldest child, I think that's something that you never feel is your place to be...you are expected to be responsible and helpful. (And I am not blaming my parents for any of this...it's just one of those things. My parents were both the oldest in their families too, so I think they understand.)
Anyway, Alicia and I discussed all this, and I was able to really feel or "capture" the emotions, and then release them. Freedom. At last. When we really listen to those little things that just won't leave us alone, when we try to hear what they are telling us, they have their say and then they can leave.
Something Alicia said keeps coming back to me, about how I felt like I wasn't being heard, or cared for, specifically at the hospital that day. I look back on my life though, and I can see many other times where I didn't feel like I was being heard...partly due to the fact that I wasn't comfortable enough with myself to feel free to make myself heard.
Lying there during acupuncture/NAET today though, I had this realization.....it can never happen again. My fear of having another baby and having to go through all this again- the traumatizing birth day, hospital stay, the baby boy who kept me awake for more nights than I can count, with more colds than I can count, my own health problems and the emotional rollercoaster- it will never be that hard again.
Because I know better. I know myself better. And I have grown so much in my faith, and in knowledge, and my trust in God and my own intuition. And no one can take that away from me. I would be able to make myself heard, and tell people what I needed, without feeling bad or sorry. I am stronger than before, by the grace of God. His Plan, His Purposes never return to Him void. With Him, all things are possible, and He is living in me.
"Because he hath set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known My name.
With long life will I satisfy him, and show him My salvation." (Psalm 91:14-16)
The tears will not stop coming tonight. They started during my treatment, just flowing out, releasing so many emotions that have been stuck for so long. We carry things with us sometimes that are not meant to be carried so long...but no matter how long we have carried them, we can still let them go and be free, if we learn how. I have been learning how, and let me tell you, it feels amazing. There is a reason Jesus calls the "weary and heavy laden" to Himself for rest; we are not strong enough to bear all these burdens forever all by ourselves. So give it to Him. Find your rest.
I just feel so incredibly grateful. So thankful for all He has brought me through. Brought us through.
Brian and I had no idea what was coming when we said our marriage vows, and I will say there have been plenty of times when I had no idea why he was still here.... I feel for husbands who have to stand by and watch their wife go through something like this. It really breaks them inside; they want to make it better and they can't. But we have seen so many times how, truly, God did make us for each other. And I am humbled to be so loved. Brian has been through all of this with me...he has seen me at my very worst, my lowest and darkest. He has been my strength when I had no more. He has brought clarity when I had none. He is the best gift, besides Jesus, that I could ever have been given. I love him deeply, fiercely, tenderly. I admire him and respect him and I could never describe what a wonderful man he really is.
I feel such a beautiful peace tonight. Finally, finally, I feel as though this whole thing has come full circle and there is a freedom and a calm...like a green meadow after a torrential Spring rain, when the sun is peeking out of the clouds and you can see the raindrops on the grass and hear the rustling of a gentle breeze....
I feel space inside of me...all the things I have let go have left room for new things, and I have expanded, and there is light and breath and joy.
"I have come that they might have life; and that they might have it more abundantly."
(John 10:10)
This promise is true. Life more abundant can begin now, because of Him. There is healing in His wings, there is a shelter in the Rock, there is a Friend who is closer than a brother. I owe Him everything....for He has given me everything. And I am grateful.
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