Laying in bed with a cold or flu....not where I want to be on a Sunday morning. Especially when one of my faraway sisters is home for a visit and I want to meet my new nephew.
I'm also sore from climbing a 20 ft. tree yesterday to rescue Nathaniel (my 5yr old) from the very tippy top...
The last two weeks have been quite the rollercoaster ride; symptoms, physical and emotional, some that haven't showed up for quite awhile, have been coming and going and it's been challenging to stay on top of it all.
Between the insomnia, coming down with this sickness, and my cycle being off, the hormonal fluctations haven't been pretty... This isn't to say that everything has been bad -there have been really great days where I felt amazing- but the ups and downs have been quite drastic sometimes, which is very confusing and exhausting. I just want to feel stable and be consistent! It's so hard not to get discouraged and feel defeated when going through seasons like this. There have been tears and prayers and deep breaths, and yet there are still so many unanswered questions. I've had anxiety/panic attacks creep up on me, waiting....thankfully since I've had them before, though not for quite some time, I know how to deal with them without letting the anxiety and fear completely take over. But they're still really unpleasant to say the least. I told Brian, it's like there's an emergency system that goes off inside, and it feels really bad, and it's really hard to decide if you're supposed to ignore it or not... (And by ignore, I don't mean suppress, I mean look past the flashing lights and people running around, yelling, with their arms waving and see if there is a true emerency or everyone is just freaking out for no reason. Metaphorically.)
And it's really not nice when you wake up in the middle of the night with an anxiety attack...its hard enough for me to fall asleep as it is.
Last week was the hardest, since I wasn't sure if I was sick or reacting to something, I didn't know what up up with my cycle, and the insomnia was alot worse.
Now I know I'm definitely sick and know where I am in my cycle and so I'm taking it a little easier and resting and not just pushing through it all like nothing is wrong or I'm Superwoman or something. Because I am so not Superwoman.
One of the Bible passages that has been getting me through this time is Isaiah 54-55. There are so many beautiful reminders of God's promises and His love and faithfulness and kindness to His people in these chapters.
It reminds me of Ecclesiastes 3, where the first 8 verses talk about how there is a "time for everything", and then verse 11 that says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."
Isaiah 54:10 is so comforting:
"For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD, who has mercy on you."
Such a wonderful promise! Even in the most scary and unsettling circumstances of our lives, we can know that our faithful God and Saviour is on our side.
The next verses (11-13) have also been running through my mind-
"O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children."
Can you believe that God actually had these words written down for us? They are so relevant and relatable, even now, proving even more how faithful and unchanging He is. So full of hope and peace. He wants us to know this. He wants us to rest in Him.
Life is up and down and inside out, but "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8)
Its nice to know that even when things feel out of control, they really aren't. It's calming to know that just because we don't know our whole story, that doesn't mean everything is all "up in the air" and complete chaos. God knows it all and He even tells us how it ends.
As Isaiah 55:12 poetically puts it, "You shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace..."
Time and time again, I have to be reminded to "zoom out" and focus on the big picture. Analyzing every little thing in the here and now of our existence does not make for peace. Focus on the glorious truth of eternity though, and that changes your perspective on everything happening at the moment.
"Thy truth, unchanged, has ever stood;
Thou savest those that on Thee call;
To them that seek Thee Thou art good,
To them that find Thee all in all."
"Our restless spirits yearn for Thee,
Where'er our changeful lot is cast;
Glad that Thy gracious smile we see,
Blessed that our faith can hold Thee fast."
( from the hymn O, Jesus, Joy of Loving Hearts)
In this part of the world, we have a lot of gray days...overcast and chilly, its hard to remember sometimes how brilliant the sunshine is. But I remind myself that even on these dark and dreary days, the sun is still shining; just because I can't see it or feel it doesn't mean that it's gone away or burned out or turned off. It's still up there, right where it belongs, shining and glowing, exactly where and how its supposed to. How it always will until this world ends. And that points me to Jesus, and His abiding love and grace and never ending faithfulness. So, even though the storm is not over, there can be peace.
"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5)
"Thus God, determining to show more abundantly to the heirs of promise the immutability of His counsel, confirmed it by an oath,
So, I am thankful for:
-the Bible, so full of peace and promise.
-my husband, for hanging in there with me and doing so much around the house and with the kids. I know that it's only by the grace of God he keeps coming home to me every day. Love you, Brian.
- my children, Sophie and Nathaniel, for bringing a fresh perspective to things and their contagious joy.
-for this beautiful world, clearly created by a thoughtful and loving Creator, for a purpose. The sky and the ocean are particular favorites of mine; I could watch both all day.
-for phones, so I can reach out to my far away family, to encourage and be encouraged.
-for the delicious delights of roasted broccoli and soft boiled eggs and cinnamon swirl bread and pistachios and more...
-for music and songs and hymns, especially the ones with a Christian message that encourage me not to give up and to keep looking forward.
-for my cozy bed.
-for my body, which for the most part still works amazingly well despite the imbalances I'm working through.
*Thank you, God for all these good gifts and many more.
I'm also sore from climbing a 20 ft. tree yesterday to rescue Nathaniel (my 5yr old) from the very tippy top...
The last two weeks have been quite the rollercoaster ride; symptoms, physical and emotional, some that haven't showed up for quite awhile, have been coming and going and it's been challenging to stay on top of it all.
Between the insomnia, coming down with this sickness, and my cycle being off, the hormonal fluctations haven't been pretty... This isn't to say that everything has been bad -there have been really great days where I felt amazing- but the ups and downs have been quite drastic sometimes, which is very confusing and exhausting. I just want to feel stable and be consistent! It's so hard not to get discouraged and feel defeated when going through seasons like this. There have been tears and prayers and deep breaths, and yet there are still so many unanswered questions. I've had anxiety/panic attacks creep up on me, waiting....thankfully since I've had them before, though not for quite some time, I know how to deal with them without letting the anxiety and fear completely take over. But they're still really unpleasant to say the least. I told Brian, it's like there's an emergency system that goes off inside, and it feels really bad, and it's really hard to decide if you're supposed to ignore it or not... (And by ignore, I don't mean suppress, I mean look past the flashing lights and people running around, yelling, with their arms waving and see if there is a true emerency or everyone is just freaking out for no reason. Metaphorically.)
And it's really not nice when you wake up in the middle of the night with an anxiety attack...its hard enough for me to fall asleep as it is.
Last week was the hardest, since I wasn't sure if I was sick or reacting to something, I didn't know what up up with my cycle, and the insomnia was alot worse.
Now I know I'm definitely sick and know where I am in my cycle and so I'm taking it a little easier and resting and not just pushing through it all like nothing is wrong or I'm Superwoman or something. Because I am so not Superwoman.
One of the Bible passages that has been getting me through this time is Isaiah 54-55. There are so many beautiful reminders of God's promises and His love and faithfulness and kindness to His people in these chapters.
It reminds me of Ecclesiastes 3, where the first 8 verses talk about how there is a "time for everything", and then verse 11 that says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."
Isaiah 54:10 is so comforting:
"For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD, who has mercy on you."
Such a wonderful promise! Even in the most scary and unsettling circumstances of our lives, we can know that our faithful God and Saviour is on our side.
The next verses (11-13) have also been running through my mind-
"O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children."
Can you believe that God actually had these words written down for us? They are so relevant and relatable, even now, proving even more how faithful and unchanging He is. So full of hope and peace. He wants us to know this. He wants us to rest in Him.
Life is up and down and inside out, but "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8)
Its nice to know that even when things feel out of control, they really aren't. It's calming to know that just because we don't know our whole story, that doesn't mean everything is all "up in the air" and complete chaos. God knows it all and He even tells us how it ends.
As Isaiah 55:12 poetically puts it, "You shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace..."
Time and time again, I have to be reminded to "zoom out" and focus on the big picture. Analyzing every little thing in the here and now of our existence does not make for peace. Focus on the glorious truth of eternity though, and that changes your perspective on everything happening at the moment.
"Thy truth, unchanged, has ever stood;
Thou savest those that on Thee call;
To them that seek Thee Thou art good,
To them that find Thee all in all."
"Our restless spirits yearn for Thee,
Where'er our changeful lot is cast;
Glad that Thy gracious smile we see,
Blessed that our faith can hold Thee fast."
( from the hymn O, Jesus, Joy of Loving Hearts)
In this part of the world, we have a lot of gray days...overcast and chilly, its hard to remember sometimes how brilliant the sunshine is. But I remind myself that even on these dark and dreary days, the sun is still shining; just because I can't see it or feel it doesn't mean that it's gone away or burned out or turned off. It's still up there, right where it belongs, shining and glowing, exactly where and how its supposed to. How it always will until this world ends. And that points me to Jesus, and His abiding love and grace and never ending faithfulness. So, even though the storm is not over, there can be peace.
"Thus God, determining to show more abundantly to the heirs of promise the immutability of His counsel, confirmed it by an oath,
that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.
This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil,
where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become High Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek." (Hebrews 6:17-20, emphasis mine)
So, I am thankful for:
-the Bible, so full of peace and promise.
-my husband, for hanging in there with me and doing so much around the house and with the kids. I know that it's only by the grace of God he keeps coming home to me every day. Love you, Brian.
- my children, Sophie and Nathaniel, for bringing a fresh perspective to things and their contagious joy.
-for this beautiful world, clearly created by a thoughtful and loving Creator, for a purpose. The sky and the ocean are particular favorites of mine; I could watch both all day.
-for phones, so I can reach out to my far away family, to encourage and be encouraged.
-for the delicious delights of roasted broccoli and soft boiled eggs and cinnamon swirl bread and pistachios and more...
-for music and songs and hymns, especially the ones with a Christian message that encourage me not to give up and to keep looking forward.
-for my cozy bed.
-for my body, which for the most part still works amazingly well despite the imbalances I'm working through.
*Thank you, God for all these good gifts and many more.
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