"Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yes, our God is merciful.
The LORD preserves the simple; I was brought low and He saved me.
Return to your rest, O my soul, for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you."
(Psalm 116:3-7)
We don't usually plan on being sick. Maybe we know the flu is going around and there's a good chance we'll get it, but it's a short term thing. Long term health issues are not something we plan to deal with in our life, especially when we are young and healthy.
When we think about where we want to be in 5 years, map out goals, or plan ways to fulfill our hopes and dreams, illness doesn't come into the picture.
When we think about where we want to be in 5 years, map out goals, or plan ways to fulfill our hopes and dreams, illness doesn't come into the picture.
And so when life happens and you find yourself in the middle of a health crisis, it very much feels like somewhere along the way you made a wrong turn or got rerouted and you are no longer heading the right direction towards happiness and fulfillment.
You find yourself taking a step back and looking at your life and thinking "What is happening?! This is not who I am! This is not how my life is supposed to go. This is all wrong."
My husband Brian and I went on a trip last week to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. The one thing Brian absolutely wanted to do was drive to the Valley of Fire, a beautiful and unique state park in Nevada. It was an hour away from our hotel and we were not familiar with the area so we were relying on GPS to get us there.
We spent the morning in the pool enjoying ourselves, had a nice lunch and then decided to head to the Valley. We were hoping that we set out early enough to miss the hottest part of the day and didn't really think about traffic being an issue... Well, it ended up being rush hour on a busy highway, in the hottest part of the day, and then we were worried about having enough daylight to see the whole park by the time we actually got there. The GPS was confusing and we ended up missing our exit (by like 20 ft.!) and going to an area of town that we didn't want to be in and it was kind of a disaster.
Since the traffic was terrible and we weren't going to have time to fix our mistake that day, we decided to get out and walk around and do some sightseeing to try and make the most of the situation. Bad idea. It was over 100 degrees outside and we were on the wrong end of town for seeing anything worth seeing... We ended up wasting four precious hours of our mini vacation by the time we made it back to the resort. It was not my favorite day.
Thankfully we learned from our mistakes and the next day we planned things out better and knew which exit to take and spent a wonderful afternoon admiring God's amazing creation.
I also learned that even when I have directions, I can still get lost. Even when I try to plan ahead, I can still make bad decisions. Even when you try to have a good attitude and try to redeem a mistake, it can go even further wrong. Because I do not know everything and I can't fix everything.
A little over five years ago, my crazy symptoms started and my life suddenly became an entirely different picture than it had been for the previous 25 years. When you've been healthy and feeling good most of your life and illness hits you out of nowhere, it really leaves you scrambling to get "back to normal" and fix things in a hurry. "If I can just get these symptoms to go away, everything will be good again."
And then, the longer it drags out, the more you panic and feel like everything is out of control, which leads to frustration, which leads to anxiety, which leads to depression, which leads to hopelessness.
"Maybe we won't ever fix this. Maybe it will never go away. Maybe I will never be well again. Maybe I will never be happy again." The thought of never being happy again, of letting down your spouse and children and everyone else is too much to bear. So you get up and keep trying; trying to get back to normal. And it just becomes this overwhelming cycle of trying to get well, getting frustrated and discouraged, trying to get back to normal- up and down. Just this constant striving for what you do not (in your mind at least) have and must have in order to be happy and well and valuable.
BUT...is that true?
Does being sick take away from your worth in the sight of God?
Does an illness mean that you can never be happy again?
Do you think that you will never be able to bring joy to anyone or contribute anything of value ever again?
Have you been asking God to heal you so that you can do what you're "supposed to do" again?
I wrestled with these questions. Then I asked myself more questions:
What if you are exactly where you're supposed to be?
What if this situation you are in right now is The Plan? No not your plan, but The Plan.
What if God has a purpose for this?
What if the secret to being happy is trusting in Him and laying down what I think is best and doing instead what I am commanded to do in His Word to the best of my ability in every situation?
Can you choose to believe that everything He says in the Bible is true; that God loves you, that He works everything out for your good, that He knew how your life would go before you even existed?
Well....that helps with the panic because now things are under control.
That helps with the anxiety because now I can let Someone who knows how to work everything out for the best be in control.
That helps with the feeling of worthlessness because I know that I am always "loved with and everlasting love", and that I was worth dying for.
That helps with the depression because it means that there is not some huge problem I have to fix in order to make everything better and be happy again, which lifts an enormous burden off my shoulders because I know I literally cannot fix everything.
And it helps with the frustration when I realize that this is not a detour. I am exactly where I am supposed to be for me to become to person God intends me to be. This, right now, whatever it might look like on the outside, is really the optimal path for me to be on.
Because The Plan for my life is in the hands of a faithful, loving, all-knowing, eternal God.
I am made right with Him through Jesus, and because He chose me I have value, I have peace, and I have happiness. All the time.
When we stop living like we are on a detour and accept our present circumstances as reality, and as optimal in the big picture or for a bigger purpose, we can lay down our own "map" and choose to follow the route God has put us on.
You are right where you need to be; you have to take your eyes off where you think you need to be and trust that "His ways are higher than your ways".
Look around you right now and see the blessings and the love you are being showered with daily; respond with gratitude.
Remember that just because you might feel worthless or hopeless, that does not mean you are.
Read the Bible; meditate on the wonderful words of Life.
Speak the truth to yourself.
Don't believe the lies.
There is a Plan and this is it; this is how you become the person God wants you to be.
Don't mistake the middle for the end.
"Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you."
We spent the morning in the pool enjoying ourselves, had a nice lunch and then decided to head to the Valley. We were hoping that we set out early enough to miss the hottest part of the day and didn't really think about traffic being an issue... Well, it ended up being rush hour on a busy highway, in the hottest part of the day, and then we were worried about having enough daylight to see the whole park by the time we actually got there. The GPS was confusing and we ended up missing our exit (by like 20 ft.!) and going to an area of town that we didn't want to be in and it was kind of a disaster.
Since the traffic was terrible and we weren't going to have time to fix our mistake that day, we decided to get out and walk around and do some sightseeing to try and make the most of the situation. Bad idea. It was over 100 degrees outside and we were on the wrong end of town for seeing anything worth seeing... We ended up wasting four precious hours of our mini vacation by the time we made it back to the resort. It was not my favorite day.
Thankfully we learned from our mistakes and the next day we planned things out better and knew which exit to take and spent a wonderful afternoon admiring God's amazing creation.
I also learned that even when I have directions, I can still get lost. Even when I try to plan ahead, I can still make bad decisions. Even when you try to have a good attitude and try to redeem a mistake, it can go even further wrong. Because I do not know everything and I can't fix everything.
A little over five years ago, my crazy symptoms started and my life suddenly became an entirely different picture than it had been for the previous 25 years. When you've been healthy and feeling good most of your life and illness hits you out of nowhere, it really leaves you scrambling to get "back to normal" and fix things in a hurry. "If I can just get these symptoms to go away, everything will be good again."
And then, the longer it drags out, the more you panic and feel like everything is out of control, which leads to frustration, which leads to anxiety, which leads to depression, which leads to hopelessness.
"Maybe we won't ever fix this. Maybe it will never go away. Maybe I will never be well again. Maybe I will never be happy again." The thought of never being happy again, of letting down your spouse and children and everyone else is too much to bear. So you get up and keep trying; trying to get back to normal. And it just becomes this overwhelming cycle of trying to get well, getting frustrated and discouraged, trying to get back to normal- up and down. Just this constant striving for what you do not (in your mind at least) have and must have in order to be happy and well and valuable.
BUT...is that true?
Does being sick take away from your worth in the sight of God?
Does an illness mean that you can never be happy again?
Do you think that you will never be able to bring joy to anyone or contribute anything of value ever again?
Have you been asking God to heal you so that you can do what you're "supposed to do" again?
I wrestled with these questions. Then I asked myself more questions:
What if you are exactly where you're supposed to be?
What if this situation you are in right now is The Plan? No not your plan, but The Plan.
What if God has a purpose for this?
What if the secret to being happy is trusting in Him and laying down what I think is best and doing instead what I am commanded to do in His Word to the best of my ability in every situation?
Can you choose to believe that everything He says in the Bible is true; that God loves you, that He works everything out for your good, that He knew how your life would go before you even existed?
Well....that helps with the panic because now things are under control.
That helps with the anxiety because now I can let Someone who knows how to work everything out for the best be in control.
That helps with the feeling of worthlessness because I know that I am always "loved with and everlasting love", and that I was worth dying for.
That helps with the depression because it means that there is not some huge problem I have to fix in order to make everything better and be happy again, which lifts an enormous burden off my shoulders because I know I literally cannot fix everything.
And it helps with the frustration when I realize that this is not a detour. I am exactly where I am supposed to be for me to become to person God intends me to be. This, right now, whatever it might look like on the outside, is really the optimal path for me to be on.
Because The Plan for my life is in the hands of a faithful, loving, all-knowing, eternal God.
I am made right with Him through Jesus, and because He chose me I have value, I have peace, and I have happiness. All the time.
When we stop living like we are on a detour and accept our present circumstances as reality, and as optimal in the big picture or for a bigger purpose, we can lay down our own "map" and choose to follow the route God has put us on.
You are right where you need to be; you have to take your eyes off where you think you need to be and trust that "His ways are higher than your ways".
Look around you right now and see the blessings and the love you are being showered with daily; respond with gratitude.
Remember that just because you might feel worthless or hopeless, that does not mean you are.
Read the Bible; meditate on the wonderful words of Life.
Speak the truth to yourself.
Don't believe the lies.
There is a Plan and this is it; this is how you become the person God wants you to be.
Don't mistake the middle for the end.
"Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you."
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