**This post was written almost two weeks ago, but I forgot to come back and put it in the blog. So here it is now.
I don't have a specific topic to write about at the moment, but I feel like writing, so we'll see where this goes.
I know I haven't been posting much lately. Part of that is because I don't have as much stuff to work through as I did when I started this. Part of it is because I'm busy. And part of it is because I don't always know what to say.
It's hard to share sometimes when things can be so up and down.
The last two days I've been feeling really good, for which I am so thankful.
Ever since my last flare-up, there have been a lot of symptoms that presented themselves again and it's very difficult sometimes to keep the anxiety and despair under control. It's also really hard not to start thinking "I am crazy. There's just no other explanation." But things come and go and it seems that to some extent, things just have to "run their course". The body is a fine-tuned machine, (mine feels VERY fine-tuned), and when one system is upset it knocks everything off balance and you have a big mess to sort out. Or wait out. And the best we can do is try to holistically support the healing process.
The hardest symptom to deal with the last couple weeks was this brain fog/ head tension that made me feel stressed, anxious and just "off". Like I can't really think clearly or react rationally and just can't find a way to make it stop. And when you have two young children to care for and normal household chores to get done, that's usually a hard enough job; to do it all while feeling like your brain is not working and you're extra sensitive emotionally can sometimes, well, be a disaster, to be honest. Thankfully my husband is amazing about doing dishes or doing schoolwork with the kids or just listening if I need to talk
Of course, sometimes his understanding and willingness to help makes me feel guilty, which makes me feel even worse about myself... Amazing how tricky Satan can be. He wants to twist and turn every good thing into something awful and ugly. Don't fall for it.
Anyway, two days ago, I woke up and my brain fog was gone and I don't have the tension in my head like I did and it just feels so good and clear. Nothing like feeling bad to make you appreciate feeling good. :)
Why did I suddenly feel better again? I don't know. Maybe it's because I stopped taking all my supplements just because I felt like I should right now. Maybe it's because our family went away for a mini vacation last weekend. or maybe it's because something switched inside or something went back to normal. All I know is I don't know. And that's ok.
It's really easy for some people to get stuck in their own heads and overthink things and try to figure everything out,(me) but it seems that the more I learn, the less I know.
I have learned, and am still learning, that sometimes it's ok and even good to not have immediate answers. Learning how to just sit with things and let them be and trust that God has it all under control is a very good exercise for us.
"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace..." (1Corinthians 14:33)
Not having answers to our questions is frustrating, but we should be encouraged that The One who loves us more than life is continually caring for us and we are safe in Him.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8)
Lately I've been letting myself, or making myself, say "I don't know" more. Sometimes it's hard to admit. It seems to get easier though. And it's very relieving to me. We try to pretend we've got it all figured out and under control, but we don't. And being honest with ourselves about that might be the hardest part...feels scary. And I'm a Mama, I'm supposed to have all the answers and fix everything, all day long, right? But I'm not capable of that. God is though. So we can trust him with our burdens and fears and unknowns and just rest in Him. Rest. Not in insecurity and fear, but in peace and safety.
"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You."(Isaiah 26:3)
"And it will be said in that day: Behold, this is our God; we have waited for Him, and He will save us. This is the LORD; we have waited for Him; we will be glad and rejoice."(Isaiah 25:9)
I don't have a specific topic to write about at the moment, but I feel like writing, so we'll see where this goes.
I know I haven't been posting much lately. Part of that is because I don't have as much stuff to work through as I did when I started this. Part of it is because I'm busy. And part of it is because I don't always know what to say.
It's hard to share sometimes when things can be so up and down.
The last two days I've been feeling really good, for which I am so thankful.
Ever since my last flare-up, there have been a lot of symptoms that presented themselves again and it's very difficult sometimes to keep the anxiety and despair under control. It's also really hard not to start thinking "I am crazy. There's just no other explanation." But things come and go and it seems that to some extent, things just have to "run their course". The body is a fine-tuned machine, (mine feels VERY fine-tuned), and when one system is upset it knocks everything off balance and you have a big mess to sort out. Or wait out. And the best we can do is try to holistically support the healing process.
The hardest symptom to deal with the last couple weeks was this brain fog/ head tension that made me feel stressed, anxious and just "off". Like I can't really think clearly or react rationally and just can't find a way to make it stop. And when you have two young children to care for and normal household chores to get done, that's usually a hard enough job; to do it all while feeling like your brain is not working and you're extra sensitive emotionally can sometimes, well, be a disaster, to be honest. Thankfully my husband is amazing about doing dishes or doing schoolwork with the kids or just listening if I need to talk
Of course, sometimes his understanding and willingness to help makes me feel guilty, which makes me feel even worse about myself... Amazing how tricky Satan can be. He wants to twist and turn every good thing into something awful and ugly. Don't fall for it.
Anyway, two days ago, I woke up and my brain fog was gone and I don't have the tension in my head like I did and it just feels so good and clear. Nothing like feeling bad to make you appreciate feeling good. :)
Why did I suddenly feel better again? I don't know. Maybe it's because I stopped taking all my supplements just because I felt like I should right now. Maybe it's because our family went away for a mini vacation last weekend. or maybe it's because something switched inside or something went back to normal. All I know is I don't know. And that's ok.
It's really easy for some people to get stuck in their own heads and overthink things and try to figure everything out,(me) but it seems that the more I learn, the less I know.
I have learned, and am still learning, that sometimes it's ok and even good to not have immediate answers. Learning how to just sit with things and let them be and trust that God has it all under control is a very good exercise for us.
"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace..." (1Corinthians 14:33)
Not having answers to our questions is frustrating, but we should be encouraged that The One who loves us more than life is continually caring for us and we are safe in Him.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the LORD." (Isaiah 55:8)
Lately I've been letting myself, or making myself, say "I don't know" more. Sometimes it's hard to admit. It seems to get easier though. And it's very relieving to me. We try to pretend we've got it all figured out and under control, but we don't. And being honest with ourselves about that might be the hardest part...feels scary. And I'm a Mama, I'm supposed to have all the answers and fix everything, all day long, right? But I'm not capable of that. God is though. So we can trust him with our burdens and fears and unknowns and just rest in Him. Rest. Not in insecurity and fear, but in peace and safety.
"You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You."(Isaiah 26:3)
"And it will be said in that day: Behold, this is our God; we have waited for Him, and He will save us. This is the LORD; we have waited for Him; we will be glad and rejoice."(Isaiah 25:9)
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